Sunday, May 12, 2013

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's out there.

Today is my birthday and this year my birthday also happens to be Mother's Day.  My heart is broken because I still do not have my son in my arms and I honestly thought we would have him home in time for my birthday and Mother's Day.  I hurt because we were matched with our son in May 2012, just two days after Mother's Day last year and we are still waiting to bring him home.  I'm also deeply saddened that I am a mom to this son whom I have not met but have loved from the moment I saw his picture, but that there are some people who do not view me as a mom yet because we haven't brought him home.  Unless people have been through the adoption process and all of the trials, challenges and bumps along the way they have no idea how hard emotionally this process can be.  People, family and friends included, have no idea that we have had to go through the ringer just to prove that we could be parents.  Applications, home study's, psychological evaluations, paperwork, more paperwork and more paperwork have had to be completed to justify that we were 'worthy' enough to be considered for parenthood.  Just because I have not brought my son home does not mean that I am not a mother.  I worry about him all of the time, worry about his safety, worry that he is getting enough food, worry that people aren't loving on him like I would and I worry about his happiness.  I have all the same worries that any other mother would even though I haven't been able to hold my son in my arms yet.  It hurts very deep down that to some people I am not yet considered a mother. Most couples can grow their family in a traditional manner, where they get pregnant and 40 weeks later they are blessed with a little one.  For couples that go through the adoption process they are not luckily enough to have that nice/neat timeline.  People that adopt, experience the unknown around every corner and things pop up, it seems every few days, which delay the process. But this does not make them any less of a parent.  I know that I am Kade's mom even if I didn't give birth to him and even if I'm still waiting for the day when I can hold him in my arms.

Despite the fact that there are people who do not yet see me as a mother, I did have many friends who did acknowledge that this was Mother's Day for me and that they continue to hope and pray for our son to come home.  I deeply appreciate these friends, their kind words and prayers mean the world to me.  I wish everyone could also see this.

We continue to hope and pray that God will bring our son home soon but in the meantime we know in our hearts that we are Kade's parents and that he is our son.

God sets the lonely in families.  Psalm 68:6